#12 Considering Ethanol - Playing with the Little Monster

Normally I am a very kind, thoughtful, helpful, and considerate person. Most of my life, I actually put the feelings of others before my own, which didn't always pan out well. It took me many years to gain the poise and guts to simply say No to intruders, users, manipulators, codependents, and uninvited guests. And now that I have finally, at this late date, mastered this skill – the ability to give a Quality No – I am finding that dealing with the “Little Monster” is a game I am thoroughly enjoying. And I am crushing the opposition, literally!

Ceasing ethanol consumption doesn't have to be all seriousness, grit and power and determination. All it really needs is simple resolve – clear, unwavering resolve. Once that's in place, the rest is fun and games. It's an invitation to creativity of the highest order. It can be relaxing and entertaining, too.

This is not about resistance. This is about seeing those thoughts/images/words a.k.a. Urges for what they really are – uninvited useless thought forms. They have no place in your life.

Early on, I named the fucking little monster Kitty, and it stuck along with the image of a Hello Kitty balloon, which made my games even more fun. The possibilities were endless. My favorite game was Starve the Kitty. Poor little kitty didn't stand a chance no matter how manipulative and sneaky it tried to be.

For me, Mrs. Nice Guy, it is really fun and exciting to be Not Nice.

I can be cruel!

I like tricking that little monster; giving it hope and letting it down hard! It's a game where I get to be as nasty and conniving and stingy, and bitchy as I like – with absolutely no guilt.

I can be a murderer!

I can be callous, and turn my back on a weak, whining, sniveling, starving sorry excuse for a thought form.

I can juggle sneaky little images and words that could amount to an “urge,” throw them up in the air, and turn around and walk away as they splatter on the ground.

I can run that little monster over with my car if I like.

If it shows up (always uninvited) I can simply ignore it or rudely tell it to go fuck itself. Little monster doesn't deserve any courtesy. In fact, it doesn't deserve any consideration whatsoever!

I can watch the little kitty monster deflate and fly off out-of-control like an untied balloon.

I can stomp on the cute little thing if I am so moved; kick it to the curb, and leave it to rot.

So, If you start to feel low because that little shit keeps invading your space, you can do the most violent, mean and nasty stuff to it with total impunity – and it can be very amusing and guilt-free entertainment.

Play with that little monster - torture it; starve it, but never ever entertain it.

Live it up. Win the game. And have fun! STFM!

Copyright © Heidi Mayo All Rights Reserved

#10 Considering Ethanol - Saturated Literature

Saturated Literature - a brief review

THE PARIS WIFE by Paula McLain - historical fiction, a very well-researched and written piece spoken in first person by/about Hemingway's first wife.

In my fresh state as a non-ethanol-drinking person raised in the same kind of drinking culture as the "lost generation" after WWI that evolved to the "Mad Men" culture post WII, I gotta say - any of us who have consciously decided to put ethanol behind us in the face of such strong cultural and societal mythology and conditioning - that's still going strong in the new "wine and brew" culture - deserve major kudos.  
There is booze on every page of this book, morning noon and night. Ethanol consumption created much of the drama F Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway, Ezra Pound, Gertrude Stein, all those writers we ADMIRE wrote about. Ernest even says about one guy how he doesn't trust a man who doesn't drink. I've said that before myself.
If they hadn't all been shitfaced all the time, creating all this misunderstanding, daring and drama, and glamor, you've got to wonder how different our world might be. :-) You've got to wonder how differently-shaped our perception of creative genius and social acceptability might have been. 
So, If you want to "check in" and see just how well you're doing in seeing through all of the conditioning and myth, read this book, and say Wow! at every turn of the page. If you can get through it without the little monster trying to capitalize on all of those cues and urges and popular culture images and words, I think you can be confident that you've done it. Yipee! We free!

Copyright © Heidi Mayo All rights reserved

#9 Considering Ethanol - The Joy that Passes All Understanding

The Joy that Passes All Understanding

A huge benefit of not using ethanol that keeps popping up for me, is that "the peace that passes all understanding" is so much more evident in my everyday life.  In this Eckhart Tolle clip, he says sometimes it takes losing everything (similar to the idea of "hitting rock bottom" to finally cease poisoning onself) to experience this because it's so close to us we fail to see it until everything is stripped away.

We hear that phrase at funerals - the peace that passeth all understanding - because there's no more physical to get in the way. :-) But we have it here and now too, because it is the essence of life itself before birth, during life, and like they say at the funeral, beyond this life.  

I'm seeing a new consciousness around ethanol; we're finding we don't need to lose everything or "hit rock bottom" to rise above the fray and experience that joy.  All we need to do is stop creating blocks between us and our true nature.

I'm finding that just by dropping the sense-deadening substance and regaining clarity, that Joy is right there all of the time, and just pops in to remind me that this is our true nature - what we are at the core beyond this physical daily life.  A little silent meditation is good too.  Happy hangover-free Sunday!

Copyright © Heidi Mayo All rights reserved

#6 Considering Ethanol - Switchflippers, anyone?

Switchflippers, anyone? (formerly Mocktails and Refreshments)

Lots of newbies here for the new year, so I thought it would be nice to share non-ethanol refreshment ideas.  Just because we've stopped drinking ethanol, doesn't mean we have to ignore cocktail time.  I'm living it up!

What better way to make fun diversion at cocktail time than to make mocktail concoctions? It's been a few months now, and I have watched my mocktail-making evolve from some pretty wild concoctions to a few go-to flavors that never fail.  I was a Bombay Gin drinker - on the rocks, nothing else - not sapphire, the queen's kind, so I like nusances of flavor in my drink.

I also love making up the names for them.

Most recipes I found online wanted a simple syrup of some sort, but the sugar was too much for me.

Best ingredients to always have on hand are: organic lemon juice, cayenne pepper, orange bitters, angostura bitters, apple cider, dry ginger beer, and seltzer water. I also really like this Kombucha Wonder Drink I get at the grocery store Traditional and Asian Pear are my favs. I dilute everything with seltzer.  

Also St. John's Wort tea has a somewhat bitter flavor and is very good at taking the edge off. Though I haven't tried it as a mocktail, it would probably make a good base.

I also like Fentiman's Dandelion & Burdock - botanially brewed, that I found at the health food store.  It's not too sweet and has complex flavor.

THE RECIPES

Here's a variation of one I found online called New England Buck. I call mine the Plymouth Rock:

1 shot juniper syrup (see recipe below)

1 shot lemon juice (fresh or organic)

a couple of hefty splashes of orange bitters (Fee Brothers is alcohol-free, but I like Regan's the best)

ginger beer (I like Reed's)

Combine all ingredients over ice except the ginger beer; stir or shake to mix it up, and pour into another glass (I don't strain, I just use the same ice.) Top off with Ginger Beer.  I garnish it with juniper berries as a nod to the old Bombay.

Juniper Sage syrup: I made this thinking it would have some Bombay-ish flavor.

In saucepan 1 cup water, 1/4-1/2 cup sugar (or if you like sugar make it a simple syrup base of 1:1), a small handful of sliced almonds and juniper berries each (I got them at the health food store), lemon peel of half a lemon, twist when adding, and about 8 fresh sage leaves torn in half. Bring to boil and simmer 5-10 minutes. Let cool, strain ( I add most of the juniper berries back in, so I have them as a garnish when I make a drink. Store in glass jar in the fridge.  This was my main mocktail the first week or so, and the preparation was a nice occupation at cocktail time.  Now I don't bother.

--------------------------------------------

The De-Cider

Pour over ice

3 parts apple cider

1 part lemon juice

a couple dashes of bitters

a healthy dash of cayenne pepper

----------------------------

Lemon First Aid

Over ice throw a shot of lemon juice.

Same amount of Pacific almond milk unsweetened and a couple drops of almond exract

Stir it up, and add seltzer to taste

---------------------------------

The Placebo
In a nice rocks glass, pour over ice 4 parts soda, 1 part lemon juice. Add a dash of orange bitters and cayenne pepper. Garnish with lemon wedge.  I'd throw some Reed's ginger beer on this too.

Right now I'm having  

The KomGetcha (just made that up) half asian pear ginger kombucha, half seltzer with a splash of lemon juice and a dash of orange bitters.

Share your mocktail recipes.

Copyright © Heidi Mayo All rights reserved

#2 Considering Ethanol - How'd you do that?

How'd you do that? 

I know that when I was drinking, which was pretty steadily for nearly 40 years, I thought of stopping as a daunting, complicated, nearly impossible challenge. In recent years, I'd just resigned myself to drinking until the day I died, since it seemed I was a done deal. Without going into my extremely convoluted history around alcohol, let's just say family and society set me up for a lifetime of drinking. You know how people brag about their ability to consume copious amounts of alcohol and still survive? It's a danger to be so “functional.” I'm a walking miracle.

I did stop drinking for a few extended periods, once, after an extremely humbling experience, with Rational Recovery for 7 months, and the again for 4 months, but it never stuck. And pregnancies don't count, as they were periods of abstinence for a better cause.

I also did Scott Kiloby's Natural Rest for Addiction intensive, read the book and did a bunch of facilitated inquires, but it seemed the process of looking at urges and images, and resting with them actually strengthened the images and sensations at that time. But, this work was very powerful and was one piece of the big puzzle of getting free, as my conscious awareness was greatly enhanced. As Shunryu Suzuki said, “Leave your front door open. Leave your back door open. Allow your thoughts to come and go. Just don't serve them tea.” My doors were open but I was still entertaining. :-)

Along the way I'd taken up smoking again after many years of being a non-smoker. It was like I was testing these modalities of “effortless” cessation. Before I knew it I was hooked on cigarettes again, too. The reason I mention this is that all addiction is the same. The thing you imbibe in to fill the “need” is the thing that created the need in the first place.

A few months ago my friend Annie Grace asked for beta readers for This Naked Mind. The promise was that it would change my relationship with alcohol. The hook was: “Do you want to drink less?” For an addicted drinker, that is the perfect hook, because we can't see our way clear to stopping altogether. I approached the book as a fellow writer helping a friend hone her book – with a deep down hope that reading it would cause a miracle to happen and I would effortlessly stop drinking. I read the book twice, marking it up with the eyes of an editor. But I didn't miraculously stop drinking. Heck, it took 40 years to get me here, it would probably take a while to get me out. When Annie released the finished work, I downloaded it with plans to read it with new eyes as a person who wanted to change my relationship with alcohol.

Sidebar: Annie references many addiction experts and works in This Naked Mind, especially Allen Carr. She recommended his Easyway to Stop Smoking to me. I read it, and Boom! I stopped smoking effortlessly! The process just clicked like a combination lock and sprang open. So, I was on a roll, and ready to do it with alcohol.

I read This Naked Mind with eyes wide open. I'd also downloaded Allen Carr's Stop Drinking Now. After finishing This Naked Mind, I still had not drunk my last drink. But I was getting ready. I took a few days to read Stop Drinking Nowwhere I was really preparing to stop. I was so ready to have that last drink that I had to force myself to do it. So, that's what it took.

The fact that a 63 year old drinker needed to read that last book takes nothing away from the other works. In fact, I needed those others just as much as that last final blow. If I hadn't done the work with the Living Inquiries and Natural Rest for Addiction I would not have the acute consciousness and alertness to recognize those sneaky cues (little monster) when they arise. And if I hadn't read This Naked Mind I never would have gotten what I needed to get to get it done. So, thank you all very much. I'm free!

Copyright © Heidi Mayo - all rights reserved

#1A - LIQUID LANGUAGE - The Semantics of Sobriety

“Sticks and stones will break your bones but words can never hurt you.”   “The pen is mightier than the sword.” I don't know about you, but I'm with the pen.  It's my experience that words are very powerful, and they can lift you up or push you down; they can make you feel happy, sad, good, bad, guilty, defensive, insecure, and in some cases they can even be devastating.   

My awareness of the power of words has caused me to be vigilant about how I speak of having become a non-drinker of ethanol.  I watch the words of others and the effect they have on my inner self.  When I am in a conversation, I can actually feel how certain words and phrases tend to manipulate; I can feel their power viscerally, and that is why I am careful and aware.

We are saturated with language around drinking, alcoholism, and sobriety that is generally accepted by society and the medical industry, addiction “experts” and everyday people, words that assume, judge, and condemn.  In becoming a “non-drinker,” a person who doesn't drink ethanol, I needed to change the language.  

Here are some words and phrases that I find especially tricky, and have either consciously stopped using or changed the use of my language around them:

Sobriety – The word in and of itself sucks and has taken on a different meaning than its intended quality of being staid or solemn; seriousness, dignity.  Today's sobriety reeks of booze and sacrifice – things given up, rather than wonderful things like clarity, health, joy and even dignity regained. I'll take dignity over sobriety any day.

Quit or Give Up – I did neither; I simply stopped consuming ethanol, so I do not utter such terms.  Once again the language has deeper meaning than those simple words – to quit or give up has great overtones of sacrifice and loss.  Stay away from those words, they do us a disservice.

Recovery – This term has a wicked complicated tapestry of convoluted meaning.  It is another setup for failure in the sneaky addiction industry lingo.  If you are “in recovery” there is an understanding of something medical, something disease-based ongoing, like cancer remission (temporary recovery) – very iffy; you can't trust it. Remission also means pardon, forgiveness, as of sins of offenses. So, if you find the need to use a word that embraces the nebulousness of your state of not drinking ethanol, “remission” might be better, since it connotes the disease model more clearly.  If somebody says, “I'm a recovering alcoholic.” or “I'm in recovery.” it doesn't necessarily mean “I'm returning to a normal state of health, mind or strength.” It tends to mean, “I'm in this shaky process of self-denial, a sort of remission,  that I have been told I can't trust and I could 'relapse'  at any moment.”  I remember joking that I was a “recovering alcoholic” when I'd have a lay-low hangover day because I was indeed recovering after ingesting way too much ethanol.

Alcohol – Ethanol, the stuff that goes in your gas tank and shouldn't go in your body

Alcoholic or alcoholism – Words I refuse to use ever again, just say: someone addicted to ethanol or ethanol addiction.

One day at a time – A subtle societal setup for failure.  It goes hand in hand with “How long?” and “Recovery.” The whole culture especially 12-step stuff is saturated with this time thing.  Fact is, time is an illusion and there is only NOW, and that's all I care about.  I don't drink ethanol now.  When people ask that underhanded statement of sabotage my gut reacts as if it's a threat, and it actually could be one if I subscribed to the common cultural myths surrounding white knuckle sobriety and recovery. I also notice that it's the people who are concerned with their own intake of ethanol that tend to ask that question.

Drink – How the heck did this word ever get to mean ingest ethanol?  We drink tea, water, and all sorts of other stuff too.  See how our language is so completely saturated in ethanol?  Notice how powerful the language becomes when we stop using the word alcohol?

Withdrawal – OMG what a horrible sounding thing of loss, like you have to go to the bank and take out all of your money and be left with nothing!  This is one of the terms that the addiction industry uses to help keep the addict addicted.  This term helps to confuse people, make them fear cessation, make them fear pain that likely will never happen. I am happy to report that after 40 years of drinking just about every single night, I suffered no adverse “withdrawal symptoms.”  I did notice a few changes.  I stay up a little later; read later into the night; have better recollection of what I read; wake up in the morning feeling great;  I'm more hydrated; I am happier; I find more joy in everything, I laugh even more than I already did, stuff like that. Woe is me, not.

Relapse – WTF? It's only the end of the world if you see it that way.  For god sakes, we are these tiny creatures spinning around on a dirt ball in space.  This word reeks of ego and self importance, drama and codependence. Oh, poor you, you've been stricken with a symptom of that terrible alcoholism disease of which you were briefly in remission. If you swore not to ingest ethanol, and did, you did not have a relapse, you just drank ethanol against your better judgement. Get over it and move on.

Wayne Dyer said, Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change. 

Change the lingo; change the paradigm; change your world. 

Copyright © Heidi Mayo 2015