Showing posts with label cessation. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

#12 Considering Ethanol - Playing with the Little Monster

Normally I am a very kind, thoughtful, helpful, and considerate person. Most of my life, I actually put the feelings of others before my own, which didn't always pan out well. It took me many years to gain the poise and guts to simply say No to intruders, users, manipulators, codependents, and uninvited guests. And now that I have finally, at this late date, mastered this skill – the ability to give a Quality No – I am finding that dealing with the “Little Monster” is a game I am thoroughly enjoying. And I am crushing the opposition, literally!

Ceasing ethanol consumption doesn't have to be all seriousness, grit and power and determination. All it really needs is simple resolve – clear, unwavering resolve. Once that's in place, the rest is fun and games. It's an invitation to creativity of the highest order. It can be relaxing and entertaining, too.

This is not about resistance. This is about seeing those thoughts/images/words a.k.a. Urges for what they really are – uninvited useless thought forms. They have no place in your life.

Early on, I named the fucking little monster Kitty, and it stuck along with the image of a Hello Kitty balloon, which made my games even more fun. The possibilities were endless. My favorite game was Starve the Kitty. Poor little kitty didn't stand a chance no matter how manipulative and sneaky it tried to be.

For me, Mrs. Nice Guy, it is really fun and exciting to be Not Nice.

I can be cruel!

I like tricking that little monster; giving it hope and letting it down hard! It's a game where I get to be as nasty and conniving and stingy, and bitchy as I like – with absolutely no guilt.

I can be a murderer!

I can be callous, and turn my back on a weak, whining, sniveling, starving sorry excuse for a thought form.

I can juggle sneaky little images and words that could amount to an “urge,” throw them up in the air, and turn around and walk away as they splatter on the ground.

I can run that little monster over with my car if I like.

If it shows up (always uninvited) I can simply ignore it or rudely tell it to go fuck itself. Little monster doesn't deserve any courtesy. In fact, it doesn't deserve any consideration whatsoever!

I can watch the little kitty monster deflate and fly off out-of-control like an untied balloon.

I can stomp on the cute little thing if I am so moved; kick it to the curb, and leave it to rot.

So, If you start to feel low because that little shit keeps invading your space, you can do the most violent, mean and nasty stuff to it with total impunity – and it can be very amusing and guilt-free entertainment.

Play with that little monster - torture it; starve it, but never ever entertain it.

Live it up. Win the game. And have fun! STFM!

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

#6 Considering Ethanol - Switchflippers, anyone?

Switchflippers, anyone? (formerly Mocktails and Refreshments)

Lots of newbies here for the new year, so I thought it would be nice to share non-ethanol refreshment ideas. Just because we've stopped drinking ethanol, doesn't mean we have to ignore cocktail time. I'm living it up!

What better way to make fun diversion at cocktail time than to make mocktail concoctions? It's been a few months now, and I have watched my mocktail-making evolve from some pretty wild concoctions to a few go-to flavors that never fail. I was a Bombay Gin drinker - on the rocks, nothing else - not sapphire, the queen's kind, so I like nusances of flavor in my drink.

I also love making up the names for them.

Most recipes I found online wanted a simple syrup of some sort, but the sugar was too much for me.

Best ingredients to always have on hand are: organic lemon juice, cayenne pepper, orange bitters, angostura bitters, apple cider, dry ginger beer, and seltzer water. I also really like this Kombucha Wonder Drink I get at the grocery store Traditional and Asian Pear are my favs. I dilute everything with seltzer.

Also St. John's Wort tea has a somewhat bitter flavor and is very good at taking the edge off. Though I haven't tried it as a mocktail, it would probably make a good base.

I also like Fentiman's Dandelion & Burdock - botanially brewed, that I found at the health food store. It's not too sweet and has complex flavor.

THE RECIPES

Here's a variation of one I found online called New England Buck. I call mine the Plymouth Rock:

1 shot juniper syrup (see recipe below)

1 shot lemon juice (fresh or organic)

a couple of hefty splashes of orange bitters (Fee Brothers is alcohol-free, but I like Regan's the best)

ginger beer (I like Reed's)

Combine all ingredients over ice except the ginger beer; stir or shake to mix it up, and pour into another glass (I don't strain, I just use the same ice.) Top off with Ginger Beer. I garnish it with juniper berries as a nod to the old Bombay.

Juniper Sage syrup: I made this thinking it would have some Bombay-ish flavor.

In saucepan 1 cup water, 1/4-1/2 cup sugar (or if you like sugar make it a simple syrup base of 1:1), a small handful of sliced almonds and juniper berries each (I got them at the health food store), lemon peel of half a lemon, twist when adding, and about 8 fresh sage leaves torn in half. Bring to boil and simmer 5-10 minutes. Let cool, strain ( I add most of the juniper berries back in, so I have them as a garnish when I make a drink. Store in glass jar in the fridge. This was my main mocktail the first week or so, and the preparation was a nice occupation at cocktail time. Now I don't bother.

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The De-Cider

Pour over ice

3 parts apple cider

1 part lemon juice

a couple dashes of bitters

a healthy dash of cayenne pepper

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Lemon First Aid

Over ice throw a shot of lemon juice.

Same amount of Pacific almond milk unsweetened and a couple drops of almond exract

Stir it up, and add seltzer to taste

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The Placebo
In a nice rocks glass, pour over ice 4 parts soda, 1 part lemon juice. Add a dash of orange bitters and cayenne pepper. Garnish with lemon wedge. I'd throw some Reed's ginger beer on this too.

Right now I'm having

The KomGetcha (just made that up) half asian pear ginger kombucha, half seltzer with a splash of lemon juice and a dash of orange bitters.

Share your mocktail recipes.

#4 Considering Ethanol - Peeling the Onion

PEELING the ONION

It appears I am dealing with stuff that I usually used ethanol and lifestyle to ignore or suppress. The “issues” have no real names; they can't be verbalized, which is quite a challenge for me who tends to put words and pictures to everything.

This came as a surprise yesterday. It seems my onion is being peeled, layer by layer, and I'm getting to the core – the place where there are no words, the place where healing happens.

The honeymoon stage has passed, and I am processing a lot of stuff I can't even put my finger on or explain. Yesterday, even in meditation, I cried, tears streaming down – no actual reason, just feeling grief; just allowing the grief to wash through me without trying to name it and without identifying with it. In the past, these feelings would have been suppressed or explained. I am finding, happy or sad, the tears come so easily, and I am allowing them without resistance. These tears, this sudden ability to simply cry, are connection, not weakness. No drama, simply tears. No explanation necessary. I feel like I'm being washed clean!

In years past, when the low feeling would come, I'd just drink like always, so I never really fully felt it. When loved ones died, we all got drunk. When life handed us lemons, we made daiquiris!

Yesterday was a reminder to be vigilant, and to keep current with the process. Logically I had no reason to be depressed, and I should have been celebrating – I've done it! I'm a non-drinker of ethanol! Yeah! But I was down. When I got all depressed, the little kitty monster wound around my ankles hoping I'd stoop down and feed it. No way.

There seems to be a shared pattern among people who have stopped ingesting ethanol. I've noticed several Naked Mind and HSM members have blogged about this “low” at the month mark. So, in hindsight, I can give advice on staying happily ethanol-free when that predictable low hits.

After a month, we might get a little complacent and need a little refresher. Go back to the book(s) you read and review the salient stuff. For me, I just read the last chapter of Allen Carr's Stop Drinking Now. Good reminders.

What I forgot to do yesterday when I felt so low, was say, “Yipee! I'm a non-drinker!” It was more like, “Hey you fucker (little monster wanting to be fed), get lost!” And even though I was totally firm in my commitment not to drink, I was still using avoidance/resistance rather than positive attitude, which is counter-productive and generates more of the shitty feeling that, if not faced, could even build to feelings of sacrifice and longing that could lead you-know-where...

Awareness is the key. Facing feelings fully rather than trying to avoid or suppress them is a skill I am learning. Don't add a story to the feeling, So, today is bright. Yesterday is history. Yipee – I'm ethanol-free!

Stopped in the middle of my run to add a few more tips. Get outside, get some air, sunshine and exercise. Take some vitamin D. Have some St. Johns wort tea. These little things help too.

Oh, and one last thing: A little thankfulness and gratefulness go a long way.

#2 Considering Ethanol - How'd you do that?

How'd you do that?

I know that when I was drinking, which was pretty steadily for nearly 40 years, I thought of stopping as a daunting, complicated, nearly impossible challenge. In recent years, I'd just resigned myself to drinking until the day I died, since it seemed I was a done deal. Without going into my extremely convoluted history around alcohol, let's just say family and society set me up for a lifetime of drinking. You know how people brag about their ability to consume copious amounts of alcohol and still survive? It's a danger to be so “functional.” I'm a walking miracle.

I did stop drinking for a few extended periods, once, after an extremely humbling experience, with Rational Recovery for 7 months, and the again for 4 months, but it never stuck. And pregnancies don't count, as they were periods of abstinence for a better cause.

I also did Scott Kiloby's Natural Rest for Addiction intensive, read the book and did a bunch of facilitated inquires, but it seemed the process of looking at urges and images, and resting with them actually strengthened the images and sensations at that time. But, this work was very powerful and was one piece of the big puzzle of getting free, as my conscious awareness was greatly enhanced. As Shunryu Suzuki said, “Leave your front door open. Leave your back door open. Allow your thoughts to come and go. Just don't serve them tea.” My doors were open but I was still entertaining. :-)

Along the way I'd taken up smoking again after many years of being a non-smoker. It was like I was testing these modalities of “effortless” cessation. Before I knew it I was hooked on cigarettes again, too. The reason I mention this is that all addiction is the same. The thing you imbibe in to fill the “need” is the thing that created the need in the first place.

A few months ago my friend Annie Grace asked for beta readers for This Naked Mind. The promise was that it would change my relationship with alcohol. The hook was: “Do you want to drink less?” For an addicted drinker, that is the perfect hook, because we can't see our way clear to stopping altogether. I approached the book as a fellow writer helping a friend hone her book – with a deep down hope that reading it would cause a miracle to happen and I would effortlessly stop drinking. I read the book twice, marking it up with the eyes of an editor. But I didn't miraculously stop drinking. Heck, it took 40 years to get me here, it would probably take a while to get me out. When Annie released the finished work, I downloaded it with plans to read it with new eyes as a person who wanted to change my relationship with alcohol.

Sidebar: Annie references many addiction experts and works in This Naked Mind, especially Allen Carr. She recommended his Easyway to Stop Smoking to me. I read it, and Boom! I stopped smoking effortlessly! The process just clicked like a combination lock and sprang open. So, I was on a roll, and ready to do it with alcohol.

I read This Naked Mind with eyes wide open. I'd also downloaded Allen Carr's Stop Drinking Now. After finishing This Naked Mind, I still had not drunk my last drink. But I was getting ready. I took a few days to read Stop Drinking Nowwhere I was really preparing to stop. I was so ready to have that last drink that I had to force myself to do it. So, that's what it took.

The fact that a 63 year old drinker needed to read that last book takes nothing away from the other works. In fact, I needed those others just as much as that last final blow. If I hadn't done the work with the Living Inquiries and Natural Rest for Addiction I would not have the acute consciousness and alertness to recognize those sneaky cues (little monster) when they arise. And if I hadn't read This Naked Mind I never would have gotten what I needed to get to get it done. So, thank you all very much. I'm free!