Wednesday, January 27, 2016

#6 Considering Ethanol - Switchflippers, anyone?

Switchflippers, anyone? (formerly Mocktails and Refreshments)

Lots of newbies here for the new year, so I thought it would be nice to share non-ethanol refreshment ideas. Just because we've stopped drinking ethanol, doesn't mean we have to ignore cocktail time. I'm living it up!

What better way to make fun diversion at cocktail time than to make mocktail concoctions? It's been a few months now, and I have watched my mocktail-making evolve from some pretty wild concoctions to a few go-to flavors that never fail. I was a Bombay Gin drinker - on the rocks, nothing else - not sapphire, the queen's kind, so I like nusances of flavor in my drink.

I also love making up the names for them.

Most recipes I found online wanted a simple syrup of some sort, but the sugar was too much for me.

Best ingredients to always have on hand are: organic lemon juice, cayenne pepper, orange bitters, angostura bitters, apple cider, dry ginger beer, and seltzer water. I also really like this Kombucha Wonder Drink I get at the grocery store Traditional and Asian Pear are my favs. I dilute everything with seltzer.

Also St. John's Wort tea has a somewhat bitter flavor and is very good at taking the edge off. Though I haven't tried it as a mocktail, it would probably make a good base.

I also like Fentiman's Dandelion & Burdock - botanially brewed, that I found at the health food store. It's not too sweet and has complex flavor.

THE RECIPES

Here's a variation of one I found online called New England Buck. I call mine the Plymouth Rock:

1 shot juniper syrup (see recipe below)

1 shot lemon juice (fresh or organic)

a couple of hefty splashes of orange bitters (Fee Brothers is alcohol-free, but I like Regan's the best)

ginger beer (I like Reed's)

Combine all ingredients over ice except the ginger beer; stir or shake to mix it up, and pour into another glass (I don't strain, I just use the same ice.) Top off with Ginger Beer. I garnish it with juniper berries as a nod to the old Bombay.

Juniper Sage syrup: I made this thinking it would have some Bombay-ish flavor.

In saucepan 1 cup water, 1/4-1/2 cup sugar (or if you like sugar make it a simple syrup base of 1:1), a small handful of sliced almonds and juniper berries each (I got them at the health food store), lemon peel of half a lemon, twist when adding, and about 8 fresh sage leaves torn in half. Bring to boil and simmer 5-10 minutes. Let cool, strain ( I add most of the juniper berries back in, so I have them as a garnish when I make a drink. Store in glass jar in the fridge. This was my main mocktail the first week or so, and the preparation was a nice occupation at cocktail time. Now I don't bother.

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The De-Cider

Pour over ice

3 parts apple cider

1 part lemon juice

a couple dashes of bitters

a healthy dash of cayenne pepper

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Lemon First Aid

Over ice throw a shot of lemon juice.

Same amount of Pacific almond milk unsweetened and a couple drops of almond exract

Stir it up, and add seltzer to taste

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The Placebo
In a nice rocks glass, pour over ice 4 parts soda, 1 part lemon juice. Add a dash of orange bitters and cayenne pepper. Garnish with lemon wedge. I'd throw some Reed's ginger beer on this too.

Right now I'm having

The KomGetcha (just made that up) half asian pear ginger kombucha, half seltzer with a splash of lemon juice and a dash of orange bitters.

Share your mocktail recipes.

#5 Considering Ethanol - Heidi's Helpful Hints

Heidi's Helpful Hints

There are these little life events that were repeated over and over, over the years, where familiar images and sensations were branded into our brains and bodies that have the potential to cause discomfort if not dealt with consciously and firmly. Over the first weeks of not drinking, I found a few ways to help soften any kind of irritation or discomfort brought about by breaking those old useless habits. And last night, when I went out to a nice restaurant and didn't drink ethanol for the first time in around 40 years. I found my own way to give a nod to my sensibilities while still sticking to my resolve.

Here are a few strategies I have found really helpful.

At cocktail time at home I make myself a mocktail that is not sweet and has a good bite to it. I notice that I crack the ice and refill it the same way I did with gin. I enjoy the process; I like drinking while schmoozing and making dinner the same way I always did, only now without the ethanol. So, with mocktail in hand, I don't feel bereft like I'm missing something or have “given up” anything. Ha ha, I just invented a new mocktail called The Placebo. In a nice rocks glass, pour over ice 4 parts soda, 1 part lemon juice. Add a dash of orange bitters and cayenne pepper. Garnish with lemon wedge.

At the restaurant, I asked for soda on the rocks with a splash of bitters and a lime. The waitress brought the soda in one of those big tall ugly glasses, and next round I asked for a rocks glass. For me, just holding the right kind of glass does the trick. I'll bet former wine drinkers would benefit by putting their NA drink in a wine glass during such occasions.

I have found St John's Wort tea is a great beverage to take the edge off if I'm feeling a little edgy especially after a busy day. If you want to remove the edge off the late afternoon/early evening changeover, it's good to have some St. John's Wort around 3 or 4:00. You can get it in capsules, too.

I also have a snack around then. I have a Coconut Almond Kind Bar and some Dr. Schulze's SuperFood with my St J's tea. Doing this makes it so you don't experience that low that you would have previously used ethanol to deal with.
And it goes without saying that staying hydrated really helps a lot.

Taking 20 minute silent meditation daily is really good. During the first few weeks I had to force myself to sit down for those minutes. Now I look forward to it; usually squeeze one in in the middle of the day. (I'd done a lot of meditating in the past, but it was always with some kind of an agenda, now I simply get quiet.) Lately, if it works out, I sneak upstairs and grab those 20 minutes around cocktail time, and it's amazing how good I feel. It's relaxing and energizing. I have this Better Back thing that is like being held while sitting. The 20 minutes fly by, and my very active mind is able to get really quiet now. Here's a good video called The No Bullshit Guide to Meditation.

I have been making my diet more alkaline, eating more greens and such, making smoothies with carrots, beets, kale, spinach, ginger, apples, stuff like that. It feels good to be healthy.

Fresh air, sunshine and exercise go a long way in the feel good department. I always got out and ran or rowed even when totally debauched and hungover, but now it's even better, and my joy factor is greatly enhanced.

If you notice a sneaky little urge or feel the remnants of the old habit trying to push its way into action, it's really important to review the salient parts of whatever book or books you read. In fact, you can do preemptive review every few days, and nip any of that kind of thing in the bud. I read the last bit of Allen Carr's Stop Drinking Now - quick and dirty reminders. Yeah! I'm a non-drinker!

Resistance does not work. I have learned that when a thought or urge arises, it is counterproductive to try to push it away or resist it. Allow it to be just as it is, and it passes just like any other thought. In Scott Kiloby's Natural Rest for Addiction, he recommends just sitting with the urge, and like any other thought or sensation, it dissolves. I just blow the thought out with a quick puff of breath, like blowing out a candle. That saying, “What you resist persists” is true. Resistance makes it stickier. The harder you try to not think of something, the stronger the thought becomes. The firmer and clearer you are in your resolve in the first place, the less power any of those thoughts have at the getgo.

Forum communities like This Naked Mind and Hello Sunday Morning are good support, too. Keeps you in touch with like-minded peeps and adds a bit of accountability to your resolve.

Here's to ethanol-free happy holidays. Yipee, I'm free! (Just saying those words does wonders.)

#4 Considering Ethanol - Peeling the Onion

PEELING the ONION

It appears I am dealing with stuff that I usually used ethanol and lifestyle to ignore or suppress. The “issues” have no real names; they can't be verbalized, which is quite a challenge for me who tends to put words and pictures to everything.

This came as a surprise yesterday. It seems my onion is being peeled, layer by layer, and I'm getting to the core – the place where there are no words, the place where healing happens.

The honeymoon stage has passed, and I am processing a lot of stuff I can't even put my finger on or explain. Yesterday, even in meditation, I cried, tears streaming down – no actual reason, just feeling grief; just allowing the grief to wash through me without trying to name it and without identifying with it. In the past, these feelings would have been suppressed or explained. I am finding, happy or sad, the tears come so easily, and I am allowing them without resistance. These tears, this sudden ability to simply cry, are connection, not weakness. No drama, simply tears. No explanation necessary. I feel like I'm being washed clean!

In years past, when the low feeling would come, I'd just drink like always, so I never really fully felt it. When loved ones died, we all got drunk. When life handed us lemons, we made daiquiris!

Yesterday was a reminder to be vigilant, and to keep current with the process. Logically I had no reason to be depressed, and I should have been celebrating – I've done it! I'm a non-drinker of ethanol! Yeah! But I was down. When I got all depressed, the little kitty monster wound around my ankles hoping I'd stoop down and feed it. No way.

There seems to be a shared pattern among people who have stopped ingesting ethanol. I've noticed several Naked Mind and HSM members have blogged about this “low” at the month mark. So, in hindsight, I can give advice on staying happily ethanol-free when that predictable low hits.

After a month, we might get a little complacent and need a little refresher. Go back to the book(s) you read and review the salient stuff. For me, I just read the last chapter of Allen Carr's Stop Drinking Now. Good reminders.

What I forgot to do yesterday when I felt so low, was say, “Yipee! I'm a non-drinker!” It was more like, “Hey you fucker (little monster wanting to be fed), get lost!” And even though I was totally firm in my commitment not to drink, I was still using avoidance/resistance rather than positive attitude, which is counter-productive and generates more of the shitty feeling that, if not faced, could even build to feelings of sacrifice and longing that could lead you-know-where...

Awareness is the key. Facing feelings fully rather than trying to avoid or suppress them is a skill I am learning. Don't add a story to the feeling, So, today is bright. Yesterday is history. Yipee – I'm ethanol-free!

Stopped in the middle of my run to add a few more tips. Get outside, get some air, sunshine and exercise. Take some vitamin D. Have some St. Johns wort tea. These little things help too.

Oh, and one last thing: A little thankfulness and gratefulness go a long way.

#3 Considering Ethanol - Not Counting

NOT COUNTING

Wrote this to HSM (Hello Sunday Morning) so I'll share it here.

HSM is doing the counting for me, but I am staying away from counting. It's not one day at a time, it's NOW and no thank you. I strongly feel that counting days and weeks can be a set up for failure. The 12-step model sets people up for a lifetime of wondering if they're going to "relapse" so they never know for sure they're truly successful until the day they die.

I'm truly done drinking, so no need to count. When someone asks me "how long?" I just say, "Now is good. I'm a non-drinker now." And another interesting thing I've noticed is that it's only the people who are concerned with their own drinking that ask that question. It's often the people who would like to see you fail so you can remain in their camp. That question is really not a question at all, it's a bit of sabotage - it's a statement that expects sacrifice, self-denial, and potential failure.

Instead of counting days and weeks, I am counting all of the wonderful benefits of being a non-drinker, like money unspent, clarity, productivity, memory, health, enjoyment...

Not counting, and truly enjoyed my first alcohol free Thanksgiving in around 40 years. :-)

#2 Considering Ethanol - How'd you do that?

How'd you do that?

I know that when I was drinking, which was pretty steadily for nearly 40 years, I thought of stopping as a daunting, complicated, nearly impossible challenge. In recent years, I'd just resigned myself to drinking until the day I died, since it seemed I was a done deal. Without going into my extremely convoluted history around alcohol, let's just say family and society set me up for a lifetime of drinking. You know how people brag about their ability to consume copious amounts of alcohol and still survive? It's a danger to be so “functional.” I'm a walking miracle.

I did stop drinking for a few extended periods, once, after an extremely humbling experience, with Rational Recovery for 7 months, and the again for 4 months, but it never stuck. And pregnancies don't count, as they were periods of abstinence for a better cause.

I also did Scott Kiloby's Natural Rest for Addiction intensive, read the book and did a bunch of facilitated inquires, but it seemed the process of looking at urges and images, and resting with them actually strengthened the images and sensations at that time. But, this work was very powerful and was one piece of the big puzzle of getting free, as my conscious awareness was greatly enhanced. As Shunryu Suzuki said, “Leave your front door open. Leave your back door open. Allow your thoughts to come and go. Just don't serve them tea.” My doors were open but I was still entertaining. :-)

Along the way I'd taken up smoking again after many years of being a non-smoker. It was like I was testing these modalities of “effortless” cessation. Before I knew it I was hooked on cigarettes again, too. The reason I mention this is that all addiction is the same. The thing you imbibe in to fill the “need” is the thing that created the need in the first place.

A few months ago my friend Annie Grace asked for beta readers for This Naked Mind. The promise was that it would change my relationship with alcohol. The hook was: “Do you want to drink less?” For an addicted drinker, that is the perfect hook, because we can't see our way clear to stopping altogether. I approached the book as a fellow writer helping a friend hone her book – with a deep down hope that reading it would cause a miracle to happen and I would effortlessly stop drinking. I read the book twice, marking it up with the eyes of an editor. But I didn't miraculously stop drinking. Heck, it took 40 years to get me here, it would probably take a while to get me out. When Annie released the finished work, I downloaded it with plans to read it with new eyes as a person who wanted to change my relationship with alcohol.

Sidebar: Annie references many addiction experts and works in This Naked Mind, especially Allen Carr. She recommended his Easyway to Stop Smoking to me. I read it, and Boom! I stopped smoking effortlessly! The process just clicked like a combination lock and sprang open. So, I was on a roll, and ready to do it with alcohol.

I read This Naked Mind with eyes wide open. I'd also downloaded Allen Carr's Stop Drinking Now. After finishing This Naked Mind, I still had not drunk my last drink. But I was getting ready. I took a few days to read Stop Drinking Nowwhere I was really preparing to stop. I was so ready to have that last drink that I had to force myself to do it. So, that's what it took.

The fact that a 63 year old drinker needed to read that last book takes nothing away from the other works. In fact, I needed those others just as much as that last final blow. If I hadn't done the work with the Living Inquiries and Natural Rest for Addiction I would not have the acute consciousness and alertness to recognize those sneaky cues (little monster) when they arise. And if I hadn't read This Naked Mind I never would have gotten what I needed to get to get it done. So, thank you all very much. I'm free!

#1 Considering Ethanol - Last Hangover!

I am numbering these blog posts because I want them to appear in the order that I wrote them. The following posts are about my experience stopping the consumption of ethanol. If you read the previous post, Liquid Language - The Semantics of Sobriety, which was actually written later than this one, you will understand were I am coming from. I am sharing my journey knowing that it may be helpful to people who want to change their relationship with ethanol, but can't seem to find their way through the barrage of societal and cultural myths about drinking and cessation. Enjoy the ride!

Last Hangover!

I am adamant about not counting days. This was my first journal entry after stopping drinking. I figure if sharing helps just one person, then I will share. I have experienced my last hangover! I had my last drink, and I am now a non-drinker! I am so excited. In addition to the revelation I had about my codependent sister's influence on my drinking (when she told me to stop “for her” and likely knew full well that was the surefire way to keep me drinking), I am now finding just how easy over the next few days or weeks it'll be when the little monster perks up with its empty feeling wanting to be fed – just like that codependent sister who feeds on the business of others.

Any addiction is exactly the same as continuing a toxic relationship! So, at this point, the alcohol was the last of the unholy trinity: sister, cigarettes & booze. It occurred to me as I was finishing up Allen Carr's book, Stop Drinking Now, that I can give that “little monster” a name, and it is Kitty! Just like when I stopped smoking, when the thought would arise, I'd bask in my freedom, and say, “I'd just as soon smoke a cigarette as sit across the table from Kitty!” Kind of like, I’d rather stick needles in my eyes. I never have to deal with that mortal enemy again. When the little monster rears up and makes a demand on me, I can even envision starving it, killing it; letting it fade to nothingness. And it feels great to call it “the kitty”. And as I starve it, it'll get smaller and “itty.” It may sound mean, but it really is the kindest thing I can do for myself and her. In fact, it feels like forgiveness to me. I wrote that in the afternoon. It's now past 6:30. At cocktail time I happily toasted my alcohol free cocktail with Jim's beer. The kitty hasn't even made an appearance tonight! I'm free! Yeah!

NEXT DAY
Last night was a breeze. Had a wonderful chat with a friend and remember every word. I did stay up late reading, and got up a few times in the night. Heck, my nightime body is not used to being hydrated like this.
So far, that little kitty monster has left me alone. This morning I was reminding myself of my plan to kill it.
This is not a violent or aggressive plan; this is a defensive plan. I am prepared if it dares to so much as whisper or whine. I am prepared to tell it to go fuck itself. Nobody's gonna tell me what to do! Ha! That's my core story, and I'm sticking to it. I am prepared.
During my morning run a few things occurred. I feel so good and free I want to herald it to the world. But that would not be a smart thing to do. Although one day to me is as good as a lifetime, it is not to the beasts, it is not to the kittys. To them, it's not proven; it's still on shaky ground, and there's no way to explain how perfectly spontaneously done I am, so I'll just keep my mouth shut. It really is none of their business.
The kitty, that sneaky feline that comes up and rubs against you and then sinks its claws into you when you're not looking. Insidious like this: I'm smiling and thinking how happy and powerful I'm feeling, and the kitty monster slinks in and says, “ya, but what if there's a bad situation, huh? You think you'll be all cool with that?” That's how sneaky that bitch is, just always trying to steal my joy. But I'm on to you, little kitty monster. You will not be fed.

Things I learned:

1. All addiction is the same. The thing you imbibe in to fill the “need” is the thing that creates the need in the first place.

2. In this saturated society of myth and marketing messages, disease mentality and the addiction industry, those of us who consciously decide to stop poisoning ourselves with ethanol are somehow seen as broken, or having a "problem" - when, in fact, we are healthy and repaired! Now that I am a non-drinker, codependents and drinkers alike can see my not drinking as something to be treated delicately like "my problem" or a disease. The truth is I got rid of one.

3. What does any strong independent person do when told to change his or her ways? The opposite. Addicted people are the most strong willed people on the planet.

4. It doesn't take willpower to stop an addiction. All it takes is seeing through the illusions, seeing where the brainwashing happens.

5. All you really need to do is Starve the Fucking Monster! (STFM)

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

#1A - LIQUID LANGUAGE - The Semantics of Sobriety

“Sticks and stones will break your bones but words can never hurt you.” “The pen is mightier than the sword.” I don't know about you, but I'm with the pen. It's my experience that words are very powerful, and they can lift you up or push you down; they can make you feel happy, sad, good, bad, guilty, defensive, insecure, and in some cases they can even be devastating.

My awareness of the power of words has caused me to be vigilant about how I speak of having become a non-drinker of ethanol. I watch the words of others and the effect they have on my inner self. When I am in a conversation, I can actually feel how certain words and phrases tend to manipulate; I can feel their power viscerally, and that is why I am careful and aware.

We are saturated with language around drinking, alcoholism, and sobriety that is generally accepted by society and the medical industry, addiction “experts” and everyday people, words that assume, judge, and condemn. In becoming a “non-drinker,” a person who doesn't drink ethanol, I needed to change the language.

Here are some words and phrases that I find especially tricky, and have either consciously stopped using or changed the use of my language around them:

Sobriety – The word in and of itself sucks and has taken on a different meaning than its intended quality of being staid or solemn; seriousness, dignity. Today's sobriety reeks of booze and sacrifice – things given up, rather than wonderful things like clarity, health, joy and even dignity regained. I'll take dignity over sobriety any day.

Quit or Give Up – I did neither; I simply stopped consuming ethanol, so I do not utter such terms. Once again the language has deeper meaning than those simple words – to quit or give up has great overtones of sacrifice and loss. Stay away from those words, they do us a disservice.

Recovery – This term has a wicked complicated tapestry of convoluted meaning. It is another setup for failure in the sneaky addiction industry lingo. If you are “in recovery” there is an understanding of something medical, something disease-based ongoing, like cancer remission (temporary recovery) – very iffy; you can't trust it. Remission also means pardon, forgiveness, as of sins of offenses. So, if you find the need to use a word that embraces the nebulousness of your state of not drinking ethanol, “remission” might be better, since it connotes the disease model more clearly. If somebody says, “I'm a recovering alcoholic.” or “I'm in recovery.” it doesn't necessarily mean “I'm returning to a normal state of health, mind or strength.” It tends to mean, “I'm in this shaky process of self-denial, a sort of remission, that I have been told I can't trust and I could 'relapse' at any moment.” I remember joking that I was a “recovering alcoholic” when I'd have a lay-low hangover day because I was indeed recovering after ingesting way too much ethanol.

Alcohol – Ethanol, the stuff that goes in your gas tank and shouldn't go in your body

Alcoholic or alcoholism – Words I refuse to use ever again, just say: someone addicted to ethanol or ethanol addiction.

One day at a time – A subtle societal setup for failure. It goes hand in hand with “How long?” and “Recovery.” The whole culture especially 12-step stuff is saturated with this time thing. Fact is, time is an illusion and there is only NOW, and that's all I care about. I don't drink ethanol now. When people ask that underhanded statement of sabotage my gut reacts as if it's a threat, and it actually could be one if I subscribed to the common cultural myths surrounding white knuckle sobriety and recovery. I also notice that it's the people who are concerned with their own intake of ethanol that tend to ask that question.

Drink – How the heck did this word ever get to mean ingest ethanol? We drink tea, water, and all sorts of other stuff too. See how our language is so completely saturated in ethanol? Notice how powerful the language becomes when we stop using the word alcohol?

Withdrawal – OMG what a horrible sounding thing of loss, like you have to go to the bank and take out all of your money and be left with nothing! This is one of the terms that the addiction industry uses to help keep the addict addicted. This term helps to confuse people, make them fear cessation, make them fear pain that likely will never happen. I am happy to report that after 40 years of drinking just about every single night, I suffered no adverse “withdrawal symptoms.” I did notice a few changes. I stay up a little later; read later into the night; have better recollection of what I read; wake up in the morning feeling great; I'm more hydrated; I am happier; I find more joy in everything, I laugh even more than I already did, stuff like that. Woe is me, not.

Relapse – WTF? It's only the end of the world if you see it that way. For god sakes, we are these tiny creatures spinning around on a dirt ball in space. This word reeks of ego and self importance, drama and codependence. Oh, poor you, you've been stricken with a symptom of that terrible alcoholism disease of which you were briefly in remission. If you swore not to ingest ethanol, and did, you did not have a relapse, you just drank ethanol against your better judgement. Get over it and move on.

Wayne Dyer said, Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.

Change the lingo; change the paradigm; change your world.